Jack and the beanstalk?

[blobbyh]

Now I know this is bizarre but I also know there are probably some young mums on here who can help me? This came up in conversation a few weeks ago and I just remembered it again!

In the old nursery rhyme, Jack sold the cow at market for a piddly bean, grew it, went up the stalk, broke into the giant's house, heard all that nasty "Fee Fi Fo Fum" business, nicked his golden eggs or chicken or whatever it was, then when the giant came to get his stolen property back, Jack chopped the stalk down and killed him. Poor Giant! Blatant first degree murder! Jack no doubt ate his flipping porridge too while he was there!

Not very politically correct, I know, but a fine yarn in it's day I thought! :lol:

But I do wonder what the new PC version is like? How is such an immoral tale told to our newest generations?

I bet the new chavvy version would be Jack blowing the weekly housekeeping on the 4.40 at Newmarket down Ladbrokes and it coming in at 10-1. A good result but not really quite the point! The only thing golden would be the rivers flowing on the pavement after ten pints of strongbow...

I propose that if a new version doesnt exist, then we should collectively write one for the festive season. Who wants to start?!! Anyone brave enough?!!

(Gem, I know you're only 17 but you probably only studied this last week, so could you help please?!!! How's about Gem & the beanstalk for a working title?!!)

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Robert

[CJC]

Now there's a coincidence... I've been doing his accounts

http://cjcnet.net/images/jack.png

Chris

[Baggybooks]

You guys need to get out more!

:wink:

Helen

[claudialowe]

It was a golden goose not a hen!!!!!!

Have you ever read the original Grimm's fairy tales? They make the versions we knew as children look remarkably tame.

The wicked step-mother in Cinderella was put onto burning embers and then made to dance with burnt feet until she died - choice!

There are other ones as well that I can't remember - will see if I can find the book later.

Claudia

[claudialowe]

Getting confused here - not difficult :lol:

Wicked sisters had their eyes pecked out by pigeons.

It was the queen in snow white who had the following fate:

"but iron slippers had already been put upon the fire, and they were brought in with tongs, and set before her. Then she was forced to put on the red hot shoes, and dance until she dropped down dead."

Now that was never in the Ladybird books :lol:

Claudia

[Gem7321]

I'll get to work! :D

[blobbyh]

Gem sent me a cracking story - if you all petition her nicely, she might even put it on here, but that's her choice to make.

Kids are funny eh?

We try so hard these days to ensure they read toned down, politically correct versions of quite horrible old nursery tales so they don't become traumatised by them. Then when we think we've finally cracked it, we only go and sodding buy them a PlayStation 2 for Christmas. Next thing we know they're playing San Andreas round their mates, taking on the role of a car stealing, foul mouthed murderous drug dealer while wearing hoodies and making bizarre, secret hand gestures!

Tut tut tut...!

Robert

P.S. I secretly think Gem's been playing Grand Theft Auto too judging from her story...!

[Gem7321]

I play CSI :D I'm too young and innocent for all that GTA stuff :wink:

[Bryony]

Jack wasn't such a nice guy, was he. Thank you, Robert for making me think about this with my now adult head. If all that happened these day Jack would be in serious bother.

He disrespects his mother and her authority, skives a day of proper work, breaks and enters, thives, and as you rightly pointed out, murders.

I guess as kids we are just meant to assume that the Giant was the baddie. Was he not just a bit of a recluse defending his property in a non violent manner from upstart thieving kids.

Man I can kill a story.

[Baggybooks]

Didn't the Giant eat people? Doesn't get much 'badder' than that!

Helen

:cry:

thats very true - that whole fe fi fo fum wasnt just a nice little rhyme! :lol:

Didnt it go something like

Fe Fi Fo Fum
I smell the blood of an Englishman,
Be he alive or be he dead,
I grind his bones,
To make my Bread!

Or something like that!

[chelledunleavy]

Come on Gem, let us all read your story..........

Please..........

[claudialowe]

C'mon Gem, put us all out of our misery :wink:

pretty please - with cherries on top!

Claudia

[Gem7321]

I have posted Jack the Beanstalk REVISED as a blog on myspace:
www.myspace.com/gemamama

Be warned!

This is not meant to offend anybody! It is merely a parody of stereotypical humour today.

And it really is rubbish btw - don't believe Robert!

Gem

[X5wrangler]

I'm with Gem here, I play CSI as well and am not happy unless I get master investigator every time! If my latest game hadn't of crashed on my home PC, I would not have done any revising for my exam at all. :roll:

[Baggybooks]

Made me laugh!

:lol:

Helen

PS if anyone needs to hire a dwarf in strange costume, I may be able to help.

Good rates for panto season.

[blobbyh]

Not too sure if the Giant actually ate anyone since it's not clear in the story so it could really have been just the ale talking, but if he did, then I'm sure it's probably only 'cos they broke into his house in the first place and fully deserved it.

Now let's get cracking on this Goldilocks tale. Breaks into a house (anyone notice a pattern here?), steals food, vandalises the furniture, desecrates the bedroom, then when she's caught red handed - instead of pleading guilty m'lud - does a runner and jumps out the window. From the first floor! I hope she had a very hard landing...

Anymore to dissect while we're at it? Dig out that big book Claudia!

Robert

[Baggybooks]

Now let's get cracking on this Goldilocks tale.

Bet she wasn't even a natural blonde!

Meow

:twisted:

Helen

[chelledunleavy]

Gem, just read your masterpiece, made me laugh.

Any more wonderful literary offerings?